New Artist Alert: Asher Roth

For those of you into hip hop, there's no need to mention that there has been very little released over the last year that's worth noticing. Just the same ol shnizz. Except now it's gone all synthy and retarded. Like Lil Wayne.

Enter from side of stage: ASHER ROTH

The next white-boy rapper.


Shame. Looks like a bit of a tit.

But at least he has no delusions of being a homie. He is what he is, a lanky suburban nerd. He raps like that too. And herein is what makes the guy's music work so well: he sounds fresh.

It also helps that he's got cool beats and a mellow flow. You might have heard his single: I love college. But if you havent, check him out.

http://www.gomusicnow.com/artist.html?id=122997

Finally, something worth downloading.

Does my bum look big in this?

Yes.

I think I smell a scheme

I thought property agents were bloodhounds. HA!

HA HA HA...

HA.

The real deal bloodhounds? 'Multi-level Marketers'. Well, that's what they like to call themselves. Everyone else just calls them a 'Pyramid Scheme'. But they hate that title. Hate it!! In fact,"It's not a pyramid scheme!" is usually the second thing they say when meeting you. The first thing being: "I have an exciting opportunity I'd like to chat to you about."

In case you haven't had a friend or family member accost you yet with one of these 'exciting opportunities' let me fill you in. It's a system of recruiting people to sell crap like pots or woolen jumpers or Q10 cellulite cream for elderly thighs or, and this is usually the popular one, Health Supplements! The more they sell, the more you make. Sweet! So where do I sign?

But after doing my research, it's not quite so quaint. Sure, if you pester enough people, throw faux dinner parties that are really recruitment quicksand traps, and exhaust every friend, family member, colleague, guy you met in the sauna, etc with your 'opportunity', you may make a little $$. But I don't know if being 'that guy' is worth it.

"Oh shit. Is that Peri walking towards us? Quick, hide. There, under that bergie."

No thanks. I'll just keep being an ad guy. Selling Q10 cellulite cream to woman with elderly thighs - but at least I wont have used every acquaintance I've ever made in the process.

Although their promise that I'll be "making R200k in 6 months" is tempting....

Would you rather...

...have T-rex arms or a micro-penis?

This is the latest one I heard in a long line of "would you rathers". Obviously this one isn't made for the laaadies, unless maybe it was like "would you rather have T-rex arms or a 6ft labia?" But it doesn't translate quite as well.

Anyyyyyway, so this particular "would you rather" triggered much debate among the three males discussing this urgent topic. The general feeling was that owning a micro-penis was a more viable option. After all, who wants to give up tennis? Or using a knife and fork? Or waving your arms in the air like you just dont care?

And since we're on the subject, would you rather have a head the size of a large beach ball or a ping pong ball?

Think about it.

What would be weirder?

Give me a beach ball head anyday. Imagine the ping pong ball option. I mean, really! You could only ever eat rice crispies and the first kiss on a date would be a nightmare - for both parties.

Not to mention, haircuts. One wrong snip and "oh sorry, was that your neck?"

Yes, these are the questions one must ask in life. Or at a party when there's an awkward silence.

MattyTech proves how terrifying T-rex arms may really be

The squirrel and I

Weirdest thing. Walking in the company gardens on my way to enjoy watching a workers strike that hopefully, may errupt into a riot, and I came upon a very unusual looking squirrel in my path.

I tried to feed my new friend a few nuts, but he seemed to turn his nose up at them.

Luckily I had some spare sugar cubes left in my backpack from Tea that morning at The Mount Nelson.

He loved those. And brayed as I combed his mane.

Pardon em moi? Did you say 9 cents a track?

One word: Gomusicnow.com

Or is that four? Either way, this is pretty much my favourite addiction since quitting TIK. And soon, it will be yours too.

This is categorically the best music downloading site I’ve found. For so long I’ve shaken my fists at the sky and cursed iTunes Store for not selling their catalogue to SA (“South Africa? They have too much crime to listen to music”)

Well screw you and your black turtle necks, Steve Jobs, cause Gomusicnow has every track you ever dreamed of for 9 CENTS!! (USA) So like…80 cents!! And they have EVERYTHING.

Maybe you all know this and I’m as late to this as I am to blogging, but if not, give it a go. If you don’t like it, well, it'll still be better than a karate chop to the throat.

Thanks Paul Snodgrass. You’re a wealth of 9am-coffee-shop info.

LOL

Can we all please stop with the LOL?

Let's be honest. None of us are really LOLing at that slightly humorous moment. At most, maybe we're performing a subtle Smile or experiencing some Laughing On The Inside . So I vote we get rid of that damn LOL lie and be more honest with a simple S, or a LOIS. ie:

"Wow Sherry, that was so funny!!! LOIS!"

Or

"Gosh Dave, you sure nailed that slapper last night. S!!!!!"

I'm just trying to promote some honesty in our society here. Who's with me?
S.


Don't even get me started on EMOTICONS. :(

Buying Property

You got to hand it to property agents. They damn fine bloodhounds.

I've only recently arrived at this observation since I started looking a few months ago.

I tell you, if I had a missing child or a kidnapped wife, I'd call up a property agent and tell them that my lost child/kidnapped wife are looking for a two bedroom in sea point. No doubt, the agent will have tracked down my loved ones and called them at least 15 times by the following day with options.

Cause once you show that interest, they alllll over you.

I had to pick one out of my ear just yesterday. Somehow he had climbed up in there and just wouldn't stop asking me when I'm "available for a viewing?"

Good for them. Gotta make their cheese.

Shame though. They all have the same look in their eye. Like a wide-eyed Walt Disney character that hasn't eaten in three days.

I think I smell a scam

I find scams highly entertaining. The funniest aspect is that people fall for them. We joke about a pleady Nigerian asking us over email (Dear Friend,...) to send $10 000 so he can secure his $20 mil fortune and give us some, but people actually have fallen for it. THOUSANDS of people.

Fools!! The lot of you.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

But some scams are just so slimy, especially when they appeal to one's religious side. Example:
http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/

And next week on PERIWEARSPANTS, we will go behind the scenes to investigate: PONZI SCAMS

My personal favourite.

Old Work

The following is a little example of how sometimes I like to just get wild and go out there and stick up stuff and try win an award off it, and then not win the award and then sulk about how much time I wasted going out there and sticking stuff up.

Enjoy.

To my followers, I love you all. Each one of you.

So. It's been an hour and still no followers. You know what, you guys just don't know a good thing when you see it. Why wont the world wide web village embrace me? Is it because I'm 8 years too late? Oh, I get it. It's the INTENSITY of my posts. Well, I'll take it down a few notches then.

Come on.

Just one follower.

That would be nice.

Look, I got mad fonts to play with. See how fun my blog can be.

Hi there, I'm a blogger and I blog like it's my J-O-B

But it wont last long. I get bored quick. But since I'm into it right now, I thought I should load some work. Just some tidbits. Bite-size nibbles. Served cold.

Day One.

And on the first day of creation, Peri was trying to figure out how to become a blogger. He had heard about blogs, far and wide, and even read a few. Suddenly he had a momentary slap of enlightenment to the face. "Hey, I'm an internet-savvy bloke," he grimaced "and still, I have no blog of which to speak. Hamba wena, Peri."

So he set out to join the flock of web sheep by starting his own.

He didn't expect anyone to read it.

But he felt as though he was finally sorting out his virtual life.

Shew.

Finally.