Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Hand Model

World's Greatest Hand Model Exactly As Creepy As You'd Expect World's Greatest Hand Model To Be

Zoolander was right! They really do keep their hands in protective cases.

Please tell this woman to stop holding her arms in the air when she gets into lifts.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Haha. Flowers. Getting kicked in the face.
I feel so evil posting this. But how can you not?
Besides, I don't always like flowers either. I like them sometimes, but then they die.
Such drama-queens, those flowers.
Give me a cactus anyday. They're such survivors. Ugly, but tough. Like Mickey Rourke.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

What what where??

You know when you just cant get a song out of your head? It's so damn catchy and you sing it in the lift under your breath. And you sing it in in the bath. And you sing it around friend's children, and then they start to sing it. And then one day their parents hear them singing it and they get upset because the song is only suitable for adults, and then the parents ask the kid: "Where did you hear that?" and the kid replies, "Uncle Peri was singing it." And then you get banned from the house.

This is one of those songs:

And what a music vid. Totally worthy of 32million views.

I'll watch once more. 32, 000,00and1.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Blogs. They take time. And sometimes, one doesn't have time.

Sorry my 7 followers. I've let you down.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Don't touch me on my Studio: The Hollywood Remake

Seems like everyone is getting touchy about being touched.

Who would have guessed that a high-pitched, terrified E-tv news anchor could have inspired the journalist world to stand up against overly amorous interviewees. Mr Visagie learnt his lesson, and now this damn fool from Laguna Honda better back the eff up.

Honestly. What's with all these public displays of handies on shouldies.

This guy was WAY out of line. WAY!

I'm glad we're starting to respect each other's personal space again.

Jesse James comes clean

Wow this video is uncomfortable.

I love the stare down by Ms Interviewer. How bad would you feel if this woman caught you doing something wrong? That is a perfectly executed death stare. Her disappointment is palpable.

No wonder Jesse begins to fidget like a heroin addict. Poor grease monkey. I even feel bad for him. I'm sure Sandra was upset about the whole thing, but there's no way she could have pulled off that level of reprimanding silence.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The face of change

Living My Life Faster - 8 years of JK's Daily Photo Project from JK Keller on Vimeo.

This guy took a picture of himself every day from 1998 to 2006 and edited them together into a 100 second video.

I think it's pretty obvious when he first become unemployed.
Somewhere around 2005.

Plane Rude

Is it wrong to want to murder a child?

Well, yes. It is. I know.

But isn't it forgivable if that child is screaming in your ear for 2 straight hours from Joburg to CT? Then maybe it's all right. Right?

I mean, come on!

Okay kid, I get it. You're unhappy. Well then how about proving your anguish to mommy in other ways. Bite her, pull her hair, pee on her. All of these are far better options than torturing an entire plane of weary business travels with your high-pitched yodeling.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to wait until they serve the onboard meal. Then, just when you about to enjoy your dessert - your little pre-packaged creamy delight - I'm going to walk by and snatch it.

Then I'm going to eat it.

In front of you. In one mouthful.

And then I'm going to lean in and whisper in your ear:
"Next time you scream, I'm going to eat you. In one mouthful."

Then I'm going to walk back to my seat, cool and calm.

But you wont be cool and calm. You'll be terrified.

But at least, you'll be quiet.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What are you doing little boy?

Very funny.

But then it became less funny when I found out this boy actually doesn't have arms.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Track of the day - Motivation on a stick

Ennio Morricone - L'Estasi Dell'Oro Bandini remix .mp3
Found at bee mp3 search engine

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Drop that beat mr DJ

It's not often we get treated to international DJ's that aren't Trance or House or DJ Tiesto or one of those Bump 59 half-assers. So when a cool international talent like DJ Babu of Dilated Peoples rocks up on our doorstep to play a little intimate sess, one should embrace it.

I'll be there. The one throwing his hands in the air like he just dont care saying Ahh Yeah!

Friday, March 19, 2010

FIFA owning it

So FIFA and their merry band of lawyers took down Kulula for being a little too 'South African' and 'soccery', but will they take down the new Loeries campaign for the same reason? After all, the Loeries are claiming "The Biggest Event of the Year."

And since FIFA clearly own 'South Africa', 'vuvuzelas', and 'soccer balls', then who's to say they don't own the colours blue, yellow, red, green and high angle photographs of the city?

Good luck Loeries. FIFA are coming for you.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010


"What? 8 California Rolls for R40? Get out of my face waitron. I dont care how well-meaning or cute you are.What kind of highway-robbery establishment is this? Maybe next time i book for Willoughbys, you can just take my bank account details over the phone and thieve from there!!"

I mean, after all, who would pay such ludicrous moneys for sushi when such a disproportionate amount of sushi specials exist in this city. One can't even swing an eel anymore without hitting a specials menu.

Beluga, Sevruga, Pepeneros, Codfather, FoodLovers, Blowfish, CTFM, Tong Lok.

And I'm sure there's many more. All of these fine establishments lure in street-wise Capetonians for 'half-price' or 'blue plate' specials daily. Not just on Tuesday between 10:27am and 4:39pm or on every third Sunday of the month - but ALL THE TIME (almost).

So suddenly, you go to a 'no-specials' Sushi restaurant, and your nigiri causes a gag reflex because of the irrepressible feeling of theft it's served with.

We're spoilt. And we should embrace it.

The rest of the world says they're seeing a serious global Tuna shortage.

I laugh in the face of the world as I chug my rainbow roll and pay in R5 coins.

It's so cheap, one can even bathe in it

Monday, January 11, 2010

The Claw


The Claw is back.

It usually strikes between the 15th Dec - 12th Jan, and the impact of it can be debilitating.

If somehow, you've been able to avoid it so far, well done. You're obviously keeping your guard up.

If not so lucky, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about...

Let me paint a picture:

You're on the beach, or in a bar, or restaurant, or mall, or any other public-use facility where Joburg Boytjies can be found. Suddenly one approaches you. Generally they'll enter from your blind spot, giving your peripheries zero chance to react to the imminent danger. Attired in a USN vest, thigh-hugging boardshorts and a tan that was somehow manufactured long before they arrived in Ct for their holiday, the Boytjie will grab your attention, usually with a:

"How you, my boy?"



Clearly, you've met this Gauteng-dweller before.

And then it strikes. The Boytjie will cup his hand (usually the right - more power) in to a C-formation and go straight for your trapezius muscle. (See image 2.c)


He will squeeze this muscle in what he believes to be a show of camaraderie and goodwill, but it actually feels like a 5-point pressure punch to the neck. The Claw will then continue to squeeze and (depending on the Boytjie's level of excitement) begin to do a fast massaging motion to the affected area.

The sensation is far from pleasurable.

And generally, neither is the conversation that follows it. ("What you nett this year?")

So like I said, BEWARE Capeownians.

The Claw is hungry.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

RIP Twenties

Like a candle in the wind, you were suddenly swept away from me in a gust of aging flatulence.

The time that we spent together will always remain sacred.

The booze, the song, the woman, the nightlife, the greyless mane, the long days on the beach and the brief hours at work, the sweet scent of supple twenty-something skin and the tang of no responsibility - are all just a memory now.

What happened? Why? WHYYYY??

I'll miss you twenties.

For now, I am thirty.