Monday, January 11, 2010

The Claw


The Claw is back.

It usually strikes between the 15th Dec - 12th Jan, and the impact of it can be debilitating.

If somehow, you've been able to avoid it so far, well done. You're obviously keeping your guard up.

If not so lucky, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about...

Let me paint a picture:

You're on the beach, or in a bar, or restaurant, or mall, or any other public-use facility where Joburg Boytjies can be found. Suddenly one approaches you. Generally they'll enter from your blind spot, giving your peripheries zero chance to react to the imminent danger. Attired in a USN vest, thigh-hugging boardshorts and a tan that was somehow manufactured long before they arrived in Ct for their holiday, the Boytjie will grab your attention, usually with a:

"How you, my boy?"



Clearly, you've met this Gauteng-dweller before.

And then it strikes. The Boytjie will cup his hand (usually the right - more power) in to a C-formation and go straight for your trapezius muscle. (See image 2.c)


He will squeeze this muscle in what he believes to be a show of camaraderie and goodwill, but it actually feels like a 5-point pressure punch to the neck. The Claw will then continue to squeeze and (depending on the Boytjie's level of excitement) begin to do a fast massaging motion to the affected area.

The sensation is far from pleasurable.

And generally, neither is the conversation that follows it. ("What you nett this year?")

So like I said, BEWARE Capeownians.

The Claw is hungry.

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