Plane Rude

Is it wrong to want to murder a child?

Well, yes. It is. I know.

But isn't it forgivable if that child is screaming in your ear for 2 straight hours from Joburg to CT? Then maybe it's all right. Right?

I mean, come on!

Okay kid, I get it. You're unhappy. Well then how about proving your anguish to mommy in other ways. Bite her, pull her hair, pee on her. All of these are far better options than torturing an entire plane of weary business travels with your high-pitched yodeling.

So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to wait until they serve the onboard meal. Then, just when you about to enjoy your dessert - your little pre-packaged creamy delight - I'm going to walk by and snatch it.

Then I'm going to eat it.

In front of you. In one mouthful.

And then I'm going to lean in and whisper in your ear:
"Next time you scream, I'm going to eat you. In one mouthful."

Then I'm going to walk back to my seat, cool and calm.

But you wont be cool and calm. You'll be terrified.

But at least, you'll be quiet.